Yes, I plan to stay in my M until S12 graduates. I think I said earlier, I don't care if we D then or not. To me, at this point, if M doesn't have the meaning (whatever your definition is) behind it, then it's just a piece of paper, one way or the other. The thing is, it's not like I'm looking forward to meeting up with someone else. I think I've just been too disillusioned to give it a go again. And I'm not looking to have more kids. I'm not needing financial support. I'm pretty capable in most things. I'm about to jump into menopause, and from what my experienced friends have told me, it kills your libido and they all say they could care less if they ever have sex ever again. Since I don't really have a motivation to M again, it really doesn't matter if I'm D'd or not. If H decides to D, then that's on him.
Like I said, I've just been at this a lot longer than you, I think. I probably should have D'd H before bringing S12 into it. I knew there were problems then, the same problems we still have today, but I was foolish and believed H's promises to address them. It's actually one of the things that I find depressing about this board, is the way people respond to their S leaving and how bothered they are and how they address their 180's. My H's attention lasts about 2 days, and then he's right back to the way he was, primarily because I quit complaining. Squeaky wheel syndrome, ya know?
I don't think I have it together as well as you might think. I just got tired of waiting and being disappointed, watching my life go by. I think you just need to set a direction and then focus on it. Otherwise, you just keep focusing on the past and what you don't have and your mind just eats itself up. And it doesn't get you anywhere. When you decide you dislike where you're at more than you're afraid of where you need to go, that's when your attitude changes. Sort of a "What have you got to lose?" approach. Or as my very admirable, adventuresome niece likes to say, "It's not gonna kill me...."
