I don't know whether it is a "criminal assault" or whether she seduced him/ took advantage of him/ etc. it seems that he didn't initiate this and the problem is just that he allowed it to happen, i.e. he didn't object enough. partly because (if we accept his story at face value) he was taken by surprise.
but what was, was. the question now is: was this a one-time mistake and is he taking steps to make sure that it doesn't happen again? has he made it clear to this woman that he wants nothing more to do with her? there are additional things that each of you can do to make sure this does not happen again - and that is what is important. we cannot change the past, but we can change the present and the future.
again, see specific recommendations in "Not Just Friends" and "Divorce Remedy".
I think we are glossing over a HUGE issue here. It seems that both you and the OP seem to want to dismiss this idea because "he went along with it"
Well, guess what. No everyone has the same reaction to these situations. Him "going along with it" might have been his body/mind reaction to the assualt. I mean how many times have women who've been the victim of such assualt "go along with it" and almost no one questions why they did it. Him "allowing it to happen." isn't a problem unless you determine that is actually the case. You can't just assume that he was a willing, active participant because it happened and he's a guy.
I've done research on female to male sexual assault. A lot of guys in that situation just "allow it to happen" But that doesn't make it any less of a criminal act.
And if it was an assault then DB and Not just friends DO NOT APPLY.
The first step is to determine if it was an assault or just a sex thing, as i see it. Once you decide that then you can decide how to proceed.
Because if you treat it like an affair but it was an assault, it will only make the guy feel 10X worse and possible create lasting damage. Like the trust thing, you say you can't trust him. But if he was assaulted, it's not a trust issue. That'd be like someone getting mugged and you saying to them, "I don't trust you to carry $$ around in your wallet."
But if it was an affair, then DB and Not just friends apply here and can help the women work through some issues. Only if he either admits that he was a willing participant and it was an one-night stand.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
