New Year, New Life (19 months)

[25yearsmlc]

And my mom survived her cancer surgery #2 yesterday with a good report. Yay.

it's easy to forget that in the grand scheme of things, THIS ^^^^ is a sweet thing.

Savor the victory you've had with the cancer battle, thus far. And take care of yourself too.

((( )))

[adinva]

Thanks 25! My mom is developing Alzheimers as well, and I'm learning how sweet it is to take each day on its own and not be angry over what has been and not be too fearful of what is coming. It would be perfectly understandable to be so, but I see my mom just being in the moment and am happy to see her that way. Am trying to learn from that.

[25yearsmlc]

well that's what I needed to read tonight. My mom's 91 (yes she was a tad older than most when I was born, and I was 6 of 9)

and she's got some vascular dementia. It won't kill her like Alzheimer's could but it's not really treatable either, and the symptoms are more or less the same.

Repeating myself comes easily now, but the emotional swings she has are beginning to be a drag and that is where I need more patience. God bless my older sister b/c she's the one who has our mom 24/7.

But my turn comes up this month, so I'm glad I read your note. I hope when my time comes if I'm like my mom, that I leave before my kids have to step up to the plate like my sister has. I fear It's too much to ask.

((( )))

[25yearsmlc]

CORRECTION b/c it sounds weird...

well that's what I needed to read tonight. My mom's 91 (yes she was a tad older than most when I was born, and I was 6 of 9)

and she's got some vascular dementia. It won't kill her like Alzheimer's could but it's not really treatable either, and the symptoms are more or less the same.

Repeating myself comes easily now, but the emotional swings she has are beginning to be a drag and that is where I need more patience. God bless my older sister b/c she's the one who has our mom 24/7.

But my turn comes up this month, = my turn to care for my mom.

so I'm glad I read your note. I hope when my time comes =time when I'm old

if I'm like my mom, that I leave before my kids have to step up to the plate like my sister has. I fear It's too much to ask.

((( )))

not sure if I believe this^^ for real, or if it was just a mood. But I wonder about this often.

[labug]

After watching the progression of my father's Alzheimer's and then his death from complications, I can say that I would want to die before my kids had to deal with that.

Dad had no idea who any of us were, was a "runner"constantly searching for home and got mean towards the end. He was the most gentle person so this personality change was really difficult to watch.

I heard a statistic this week that by age 85, 50% of us will have Alzheimer's.

Live each day to it's fullest.

Sending strength to both of you.

[keep_going]

Ad, 25, Bug - As always, I love to read your posts...

Ad, I am happy to hear your about mom's successful surgery. Yes, it's nice to get some good news for a change.

I can relate to how you all feel. Getting old is not pretty and having to deal with health issues is definitely difficult for the whole family.

My H's father also suffered from vascular dementia. He first lived at an Assisted Living facility and then became too aggressive and got kicked out of there. We had him come to live with us for a year. I loved having the chance to develop a close R with him and for my H to heal some of his past wounds with his father. Yet it was rough to see him become more and more agitated with time and having to lose the person we knew and loved to this horrible mental disease. Eventually he became physically aggressive with his caregiver who quit and accused me of trying to poison his food.

That is when we had to make a tough decision and have him move to a facility that specialized in dealing with aggressive Alzheimer's patients, where he passed away a year later. It has definitely been one of the hardest things I've had to do, but it just got out of our control and became unmaneagable for my H and me. I was raised to believe that we should care for our parents when they get older, just like they did for us when we were young, so I still sometimes feel guilty about it.

None of these things are easy and the feelings we experience and the decisions we have to make regarding our aging parents are never black and white.

So yes, I'd rather appreciate and enjoy the time I have with my healthy parents who are 87 and 75 and my MIL who is 77, because I just never know what lies ahead.

(((((hugs to you all sweet ladies))))))

[adinva]

My mom was due home from the hospital yesterday, and as they were headed into their building my mom began to have trouble breathing and turned grey, so she was rushed back to the closest hospital and then in the middle of the night moved back to where she gets regular care in the next state over. So today was a little hairy but she looked good when I saw her, my dad's hangin in there, and my sister who is an ER nurse arrived in town to help out for the weekend. Another brother is coming in to stay with me for the weekend and help with them too.

So I texted H because S12 had a spelling bee today that he qualified for and was very excited about and hopeful of having family come to school to see him. I told H I was unexpectedly driving to the hospital the next state over to see mom, might not be back in time for the spelling bee, and if he could possibly go to the school S12 would really like it. I don't know if he ever got the message but he never mentioned it, or my mom, or the spelling bee, or anything that matters when he came over today.

He did open a speeding ticket I got driving late to SILs for the H family Christmas party on the 30th and hassled me about why I got a speeding ticket and exactly how far above the speed limit I was. 12 miles in case you were wondering. And he got p!ssy in a conversation about this year's taxes, which I just can't think about right now. I was using my 1/2 hour of free time for the day to prepare the financials for the boy scout committee meeting I needed to be at soon. I'm drained and stressed and H is just another source of grief for me. He brings nothing positive to my life right now and I wish he would make himself a little more scarce or be just 5% positive or pleasant while he's in my house.

It is so clear that what my mom has in my dad, who is caring for her through all kinds of unpleasantness, and who is there for her no matter what, and isn't crabbing about his rotten deal or how miserable he is or how he's just not getting his needs met from her, is NOT what I have, had, or would ever have in my H.

I don't know whose fault that is or if it's anyone's fault, but I'm sorry I spent so many years hoping for crumbs from him. It's worse than having no one.

[Accuray]

Ugh, why don't you tell H how you feel about his unpleasant visits? I see no value in being a martyr at this point. You should state your desires and your boundaries confidently and expect to have them respected. At this point it's about rebuilding you, and getting you back to joy IMO.

Accuray

[scaredsilly]

^^^ absolutely. you're entitled to be treated better or left alone.

((()))