I keep meaning to copy something particularly insightful that T^2 posted last month:
Originally Posted By: T^2
Things just kinda flow along these days since the last update. Today W was sharing how something from our past made her feel, that I was an agent of. I feel like I have made some true growth in that I did not get or feel defensive (for once)...I saw that she was expressing what her experience was, and that she wasn't seeking to blame, just telling me her experience. I had an opportunity to apologize again for it, and that I get it now. Without any internal defensiveness or having to justify, be right, etc.
I learned a lot about how she perceives the world, and/or was reminded of it with acceptance this time. Funny how certain things in how our spouses truly operate are over-looked, or not accepted, or ignored/pushed aside throughout the M...So much of this isn't really that much of a surprise to me, when I am honest with myself, I just didn't what to see, or accept it, or thought it would change down the road. Some things do, some things don't, or at least not right now.
When we detach, STFU, and listen, we start to get in touch with reality and learn who our partners really are. Plenty of yuck to wade through, but it's how we find the good stuff, too. The real stuff, not the fantasy we made up.
A whole lot of opportunities for, "Isn't that interesting?" Opportunities to really get to know these people again. For real this time.
I like this post, Imma read it over and over.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
