Soul.Searching my way back.

[subguy]

Thanks guys, feeling really down and confused right now. Will post about that underneath but to answer your question....
My goals are small and simple right now but that's what I feel I need at the moment. I feel overwhelmed a lot lately. They are basically,
Exercising
Having a PMA
Stopping thoughts of H and OW
Rid the house if H's stuff. I have piles all over the place that he hasent taken, so I'm going to box them all up in one huge box.
Quit smoking. ( which needs to be broken down in to smaller steps, I just have so much going in right now and it's hard.)
Getting a job I'm happy with that makes money less of an issue.

Awesome, keeping them small and simple in the begining is good. Actually achieving some of your goals will help with the PMA. Try putting in a couple of obtainable goals and see what happens when you get them done. Exercise how many times per week? keep narrowing them down.

H has offered me a piece of furniture for S's room and its something I have been wanting to get for him. It will save me some money but I think it's OW's sons. I don't think I want anything of hers in my house. I'm a bit unsure on what to do about it.

Do what makes you feel comfortable. Make a decision and go for it, no regrets. Did you ask him if it was her son's furniture, that one simple question may help your decision making process??

H informed me today that he won't be coming to the funeral. I didn't expect him to anyway. I had a feeling he wouldn't since he told me on the phone he would be there for me. I heard OW I'm the background, so I thought she would put a stop to it. He says he can't get time of work, which I highly doubt is true. It's for a funeral. I must say, even with not expecting him to come, it still hurts.

Of course it hurts, your human and spent a long time together with your H, however that man stopped being the person you knew before. Expect nothing from him and you won't be disappointed when it happens. I'll be there in spirit, if I could I'd show up.

I don't need him to be there for me but He was his family too for 13 years and H knew him years before that too. It just hurts.
I'm just feeling so confused and down. I mean I thought he would want to be there. How can you just totally forget the people who were his family for the last 13 years.

I'm sure he is torn up on the inside as well, don't discount his feelings. He is just running and hiding from them, I think I'd rather deal with them head on than live in fear of them anymore.