Soul.Searching my way back.

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks guys, feeling really down and confused right now. Will post about that underneath but to answer your question....
My goals are small and simple right now but that's what I feel I need at the moment. I feel overwhelmed a lot lately. They are basically,
Exercising
Having a PMA
Stopping thoughts of H and OW
Rid the house if H's stuff. I have piles all over the place that he hasent taken, so I'm going to box them all up in one huge box.
Quit smoking. ( which needs to be broken down in to smaller steps, I just have so much going in right now and it's hard.)
Getting a job I'm happy with that makes money less of an issue.

H has offered me a piece of furniture for S's room and its something I have been wanting to get for him. It will save me some money but I think it's OW's sons. I don't think I want anything of hers in my house. I'm a bit unsure on what to do about it.

H informed me today that he won't be coming to the funeral. I didn't expect him to anyway. I had a feeling he wouldn't since he told me on the phone he would be there for me. I heard OW I'm the background, so I thought she would put a stop to it. He says he can't get time of work, which I highly doubt is true. It's for a funeral. I must say, even with not expecting him to come, it still hurts.

I don't need him to be there for me but He was his family too for 13 years and H knew him years before that too. It just hurts.
I'm just feeling so confused and down. I mean I thought he would want to be there. How can you just totally forget the people who were his family for the last 13 years.