Still walking the path to my own happiness

[mamabird]

Well, here I am, coming to you from my very own bed and it's amazing! H is in Denver this week! I have spent very few nights here over the past 7 months.

I have a call with my DB coach on Friday - we'll see what he has to say about all of this.

GH, I haven't read your whole sitch - what turned it around for you guys?

I know that around the time of 2nd EA, H had been treating me horribly - kind of a common thread in those sitches where there are As and WAWs. I can't say I was really deluded but I was definitely not right in the head... I was not in love with OM2 or even close to it. It's that he simply was interested at a time when I needed a lot of validation. I think back on my behavior with him and it was really creepy because I would just basically demand validation from him, and I kept throwing things at him to see how he would react. I was so starved for any sort of reassurance. It was pathetic, really. I feel terribly bad for the me from earlier this year.

So really, that's mostly what it was. Unmet needs demanding fulfillment. The other part of it was "revenge" towards my H for all the horrible treatment. He would threaten to D me routinely and even wrote a letter to one of my closest friends telling her all about it. She's a therapist btw, and when she challenged him, he called her a loser.

Who knows if H will ever have that awakening. Gottman also talks about the mortal sins in a R, the worst one being "stonewalling" or withdrawal/rejection. If stonewalling were an Olympic sport, H would be a contender for the gold. He really inflicted a lot of psychological damage on me over the years (but I guess he'd say same about me).

It's all so broken, and only way it will get fixed is with time, perspective and willingness on both parts. This is why I chose my screenname RegretfulLA, because I have so many regrets about everything that's happened to us.