What I'm learning from H stages, disappointment.

[albamarie]

Another thought is that he isn't eating properly during the day and when he gets home, he's starving and feels like he needs to stuff himself. My xh didn't want to spend the money for food when he ran away and when he was at the house one day, he stuff himself until he couldn't eat anything more and then got sick. It was almost like he was starving himself to either get thin or to save money on food

Yes, that's it. He starves himself because he doesn't want to spend the money for food when he's out. He thinks he doesn't deserve it and he has this needs to have a sacrificial character. Otherwise, he goes to far and becomes narcissistic.

I don't think he's doing drugs...he had started smoking pot about 3yrs ago as he started to feel this MLC creeping up on him, though we just thought he was headed for a break down. In the beginning, not gonna lie, it helped alot.

He was just balancing himself out with it and it gave him some clarity and even calmed his need to get enraged. But, that passed and he stopped once the newness wore off. I don't think he has used anything else, but I will not put anything past him for fear of being caught off guard.

I know what your saying about not talking to H. Today was the first day in several months S21 has said absolutely anything to his F. He spoke out because H screamed out how he can't take this anymore, S21 took that as an opportunity to say then I will help you if your ready to get help.

S21 next sentence was or shut up and get off the living room floor. It was nice to see S21, who has been admit about his hatred for his F, actually putting himself out there, he offered to be there if/when H makes a choice.

But, when S made it clear that if he doesn't make a choice it will be because he's weak, that's when H replied, yes I am weak and IDLY (me). He hit that wall and it was my fault.

Snodderly - your so right, he is completely opposite of himself and talking to him is useless, aggravating, and it gives him a chance to dig deeper. I spoke to my Aunt who's H is Bipolar and she said never, defend yourself or get trapped into talking about yourself or the R because it is an open door for H to annihilate me.

She said her SIL in Fl would talk w/her and it really saved her M. I have to say without this site, I can't even imagine where I would be today or what I would have done by now.

I am at a point where I truly believe this M is over and H will never come back nor do I want him. My aunt said she was there for 5 yrs...today she's M 9 yrs since he woke up.

I don't see it...I'm a little bit in crisis mode myself, thank you NOT-H, can't say it's been fun!