He doesn't realize that there is a 3 rd option of staying and building a new marriage. I mentioned it to him and he that's not an option.
29. Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
Understand that you're past words now. There's nothing you can say to H that will bring him back. At this point it's all about your actions. Determine what you did to contribute to the marital problems and do 180's on those things. He won't believe what you say, but he will believe what you do. And if you do it with consistency over a long period of time, then he will eventually believe it's real and not just tricks to bring him back.
People fall into the trap of doing "more of the same" behavior and expecting something to change on its own. They keep doing the same mistakes over and over again until their marriage falls apart, then incredibly they will keep right on with the same old mistakes expecting their spouse will just one day return. But they won't, they left the marriage because of "more of the same" and they certainly won't return to that. So what do you do? You do 180's, you reverse course on all those "more of the same" mistakes. It's hard work, but it's the only way to hopefully bring the wayward spouse back.
FloydMan, thank you and I will post an update after RetroV. I've been wanting to post a new thread, that should be good timing for it. Things have progressed quite a bit, W unexpectedly bought me gifts for Christmas and was extremely flattered that I painted her a painting in return. After months without physical contact she is suddenly initiating long hugs. She's been doing small favors for me lately like bringing over peanut brittle that she made and giving me a carton of my favorite soft drinks for no reason. It's really taken me by surprise. I'm not sure what to expect at RetroV, I'm just going into it like a blank slate. Should be interesting.
