Out of curiosity jb, did you appologize (to validate) for your part of being distant or "neglectful"? I say that simply because you appear to have better heard and understood her position and perhaps she might have been appreciative of the appology.
I suspect that if my W and I ever had that discussion, the results would be the same. That my W might share how much my neglect hurt her. In the same token, your W is still pointing at you for her hurts (which of course are valid), but unwilling to speak of any realizations of how she may have contributed.
Until she can speak of her stuff, she is still harbouring anger and resentment (as she alluded to when mentioning she was upset with your GAL) and may not look internally for her own growth.
That said, I still think that while it is ok to move towards the D, there is still no need to rush things. Not to hold off the inevitable, rather keep in mind that for both your interests as well as for S, things need to be thought out during the process so no mistakes are made.
