finding my way

[littleGTO]

Thanks, AS,

The thing is I haven't been myself since before BD#1 which was almost 7months ago now, so I'm not putting all my marbles in one basket..

However, I do suffer from S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) which is otherwise known as the winter blues. My H says that at this time last year I was "as mean as I've ever been to him in my life."

I can recall being depressed and "sad" and withdrawn due to 3 1/2 wks of "female issues". At the same time H had OWs complete undivided attention with her constant ego strokes (as apparently she was in a verbally abusive M) & saw my H as her "knight in shining armour." Little did I know along with my MIL's terminal illness my H was slowly withdrawing too.

I have apologized for any "meanness" I showed him many times. Too little too late, I guess, as OW has him wrapped around her little finger.

I hope the ADs help me to function better, as I am not doing well. I want to be there for my boys & right now it is a huge effort for me & some days I find little enjoyment in anything at all. S.A.D. in so many ways. I find it ironic that H has caused all this grief/pain & yet he seems to be doing better and I am doing worse.

Also, I am looking to change ICs b/c mine while sympathic to my cause doesn't seem to have a lot to offer in terms of advice or strategies for coping. ANd, I do need help now. Being here is very good for me.