Well, I can't necessarily say I got the outcome I wanted from our conversation. I did get a good picture of where my W is emotionally, however.
For most of the conversation, I just listened and validated.
I led off with an executive summary of what I've been doing with my life and what I want in a relationship.
She mentioned all these things I've been doing to GAL ticked her off. She said I was doing all of these things she wished we had done together as a couple. I simply told her I wasn't doing them to tick her off, but I had to make my life count and make it worthwhile.
The conversation turned to where my W is at emotionally. My W is holding on tight to the past and is unable to let go of some mistakes I've made several years ago. Her main complaint against me is that I was controlling. She is perceiving any delay on the D on my part as being "controlling", kind of like my final gasp.
I know I'd made mistakes in the past but I'm not sure I was fully aware of that affected her. Most of my mistakes were along the lines of neglect. Unfortunately, I think the mistakes piled up to the point where she just checked out. The change process in me really got underway about 6 years ago, then accelerated when she left. I think just because my W was checked out at that point, the majority of the changes went unnoticed, especially the deep underlying changes. However, the mistakes still piled up. Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks. Yeah, I've heard it before, but wow, the magnitude of whole debacle really just struck me.
I think I needed to hear all of that. I wish we had this kind of conversation years ago. However, I don't think I would've been in the position to listen like I did several years ago. I felt horrible the day after, and I'm thinking that may be because I really listened.
As we parted company, I told her I thought we needed to have a another conversation and I also told her I thought I needed to get in touch with my L to tell her we're resuming the process. She agreed to get together this Wednesday and is still on board as of today. I am planning on getting in touch with my L tomorrow - I think it's something I need to do to show her something different anyway.
