Some hope

[Tallula]

I've been following the DR program, but especially for the infidelity when they won't end the affair.

Short story. Husband asked for divorce, what seemed a bit out of the blue. Sure we were in a rut...but D?! Then he confessed an affair. "I love you, but not in love with you. You were distant, not affectionate" While he didn't blame me for his affair, he clearly stated his problems with me. He was dead set on divorcing me. I wanted to see if we could save it. That was 7, 8 weeks ago.

I ordered DR and started implimenting the 180s 5 weeks ago. While I did get my own life, I also had to look at his complaints as some of them would be most people's normal 180s. I didn't start conversations, I listened intently when he spoke, I didn't react from anger, I detached from his crazy rants and actions. He began to sleep on the couch, no more affection towards me, no more I love you's, was actively romancing OW. We still ML on occasion, but he would withdraw and get upset afterwards. He was intent on never loving me again.

Last week we mutually decided he should move out for 2 weeks, during the week. I decided on weekends I would stay with friends so he could be with the kids. I felt relief. Friday he came home and I was making dinner and he asked me to stay, because he missed me. He was affectionate and told me he loved me. We had a great weekend, we ML each day & he didn't get upset after, he slept in our bed, he talked about our future and said he was falling in love with me again. Sunday night he asked if I wanted him to leave. I said not today, let's just take this one day at a time.

So here I am, just praying for the patience to continue with this since he hasn't told me he has cutoff the OW. Remembering to keep in the moment, working on me each day. Not to be too excited..but this has lasted 3 days in a row. Michelle is right, there are days you question your sanity. Today is one. Should I be sleeping with him? He is still in contact with OW?!? But by doing this work on myself, I am stronger, more confident than I was 5 weeks ago!! I know I will be fine either way, with or without him! And my husband who was SURE he was going to divorce me, he sleeping in our bed, telling me he loves me. For today, I will continue.