Dawn, You and your son have got to stop trying to help him. You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. Just as an alcoholic drinks themselve into the universe, he will not stop drinking and seek help until he hits bottom or wants to do it. The same rule applies to mlcers. They do not want to be diagnosed by the family. The more you try to talk to him about seeking help, the more he's going to dig his heels in and not do it. Just leave him be!
Right now, he doesn't have any loving feelings for you. Those feelings are stuffed way, way down in his inner self and what is coming to the surface is the dark, murky childhood issues and yes, depression does numb the feelings of those experiencing it. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him take a drink and this also applies to mlcers.
BTW, have you ever read the book by Dr. Seuss called Green Eggs and Ham? Go to the library and find that book and read it...the mantra throughout the book is what reminds of the mlcer when the say they don't love you over and over again.
The more you pin him to the wall, the more he's going to come out swinging and yes, his defense mechanism is to stay he doesn't love you.
Dawn, leave him be. I know you love him, but you are going to have to handle this situation the exact opposite of what you normally would. Why? Because your man is the exact opposite, or should I say the mirror image of the man you are married to. In mlc, most actions that we take w/them will be the opposite of what you would do in a "normal" situation. Also, keep in mind, you are dealing w/a child in an adult's body right now and they don't think like mature/sane adults while floating in orbit.
Your mantra is "I'm going to be okay. I need to leave him alone and allow him space and time to figure things out. I didn't break him, therefore I can't fix him."
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
