Did I appreciate her taking care of us?? Of course I did, after many years together I know I did not show my appreciation as much as I should have. I know I took her for granted at times. I thought I was being a positive husband. I tried to show her love and affection but I'm sure I did that in my love language not hers. I thought I was there for her, unfortunately I was not as there for her as I thought I was. A little arrogance on my part thinking I was a great husband?!?! It hurts to think I could have been/was that guy!!! That is something I will have to live with, knowing my actions hurt the one person I love the most on this earth.
Your absolutely right about perspective, right or wrong it's our version of the truth.
My W does not communicate very well and she admits that. Early in our marriage she would get angry at me and slap me in the face. I took it a few times after the 4th or 5th time I hit her back (I know I never hit women but she would not stop). She stopped hitting me after that and then turned to being nasty in an argument (saying ugly things). I learned to just walk away and not discuss it. I say this to not point fingers at her but to say I have faults and am trying hard to work on them. I also need to look at why/how I turned into this guy. Sometimes it's just me and sometimes I have been conditioned to act a certain way over the last 23 years. Is this important for me to do(cause I feel like it is important to know why)?? Should I look at our dynamic and figure out the how and why?? I hope I'm doing the right thing if it is a waste of time please tell me and I'll try to move on to other things.
The reason for posting what I posted was to point out that I had fears about providing an income and the pressure i felt, with that I let it turn into something bigger than just responsibility. It was not meant to be a rant against her, I was trying to connect the dots about me.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
