Portia, If your man is in mlce, it's going to take a long time before he will say "the two of us". Right now, he's drawn a line in the sand and it him and you as separate indiviudals and not a couple.
Of course he feels better when he talks to you. He's getting his ego kibbles for the day, i.e., he's getting his shot in the arm w/feel good vibes. He's tapping into your emotional energy and he's zapping it right out of you. He's also checking to see if you are still there waiting for him.
As for the ow, he's not going to bring that subject up any time soon. He's feeling sorry for himself and he's looking for someone to make him feel better and cheer him up because his own mother is having health issues. He wants sympathy right now and unfortunately, you are tapped out because of your own situation. Sounds like the ow isn't providing much emotional support to him or maybe she just doesn't care about him all and is using him for what she can get. It's a very odd relationship that the mlcer has w/their affair partner because they really are nothing more than roommates passing in the night, so to speak.
As for the future, no one knows how it will turn out, least of all him. He's lucky if he can concentrate on things and remember what he did 30 minutes ago.
As for you, keep your focus on you and your parent. Stay strong, have faith and above all else take care of your health.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
