House for sale. So Sad. Family Breaking Up (pt 2)

[labug]

So what can "I" do to influence or what impact can I have on her to not have fear of losing face?

Much of the time you seem to think and talk about her in very negative terms and I get that, she's hurt you terribly but you want to save the marriage. You can't simultaneously dislike and judge someone and try to build a R.

You've also mentioned several times how your Ds don't like this or that about what she's doing. You don't know that they aren't going to her with things they don't like about you.

All the negativity may not be obvious on the surface but it will show in your actions and the way you communicate.

Stop the judgments, figure out your boundaries, set them and move forward with your life. Continuing to obsess about what she's done wrong only keeps you stuck.

I have to remind myself of this often:
“Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions. Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits. Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values. Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.