good luck and hope it works for you. this no sleep business is just awful- totally rules how my day goes. last nite i slept awful and my jaw is so oooo sore (must have been clenching it) i can't 4even eat these damn oreos! i mean- how does one cure oneself wthout being able to eat goodies???
i too spend too much time figureing, wondring, so on. it stinks. i'm waaaay better than a couple years ago (when found out what a giant giant rat from hell he was) but not cured (unfortunately. i don't know how we hurry it- and save ourselves.
i'm having the bad feeling tht if we're here- we are just the type of people that will need to see it thru til the bitter end. that somehow we need the knowledge and closure that comes with having given it eery possible chance - over and over til our eyes bleed.
i am not saying i like this about me- i'm just thinking it may be who i am.
i am not runniny away anywhere - tho i think about it alot. i am standing my ground- whatever the heck it means. this h has been my life for most of my adult life- i cannot shut it off like a faucet. no matter how richly deserved it is (revenge).
oh well- sorry i'm not uplifting girl today- maybe tomorrow. i'm less "in a fog" - i'm more able to enjoy things i used to enjoy- plan a project around the house- enjoy a visit with a friend- i guess we heal in the end no matter what. (well, or let ourselves go nuts and i do not think any of us want to allow that).
hang in there- best ofluck- i'd say continue to come here and rant like mad when it's "bad". it's saved me many a time- just thinking people out there understand my pain and betrayal - and i mean EXACTLY what i feel- somehow it helps to know i'm not alone.
you know- i have been having a feeling that this is shoving me into some sort of mlc too. snodderly is aghast and says it's an awful thing to feel- maybe my sitch is not exactly the mental anguish of a mlc (i don't see it with my h - perhaps i'm blind ) - but it's definitely SOMETING changing me inside. my heart- my feelings - my tolerance- i do not know.
they are probably guilt ridden- so sorry but their choice. i think guilt was what motivated my h for years to be so awful- it began with quitting smoking- morph3ed into a edgy ratty personality- stupid me- i didn't even ever think (cheating). i was blind- soooo trusting.
i think once he knew i knew- all of a sudden he is mr pleasant. not loyal and "true" but not edgy and fightie. i have no idea what goes on in his head. i hope he does something positive before i either hate him or get my own life and leave him in a cloud of dust. honestly i fear the day i walk away because i do not think i will be the person to ever ever EVER look back. if he pushes me that far- no backs. i don't think he gets it- i feel bad for him being such a fool - when i don't want to back the car over him.
oh well- sorry to rant- good luck- it's sure the most awful thing i can think of that's ever happened in my life. good for you having the kids to keep ya grounded- it's important i thinkt oget outside ourselves whenever possible. if i could ONLY CONQUER the nights when my brain is my enemy!!
