Feeling a little tired these days. Wish I could sleep for a week.
Here is a quick recap of the last 5 months: Partner and I have been together for 18 years, the last couple have been long distance due to family and career matters, no children. Partner began to act strange in August 2011. BD was in July, 2012, spent a whole month in denial. Did not find out about OW until September, 2012. The relationship had been going on for at least two months "officially" but at least six before that (according to my best guess and some vague information.
Partner previously indicated that he was "backing off" from OW but I really cannot confirm it nor can I bring myself to completely trust what he says. I want to believe him, of course, but....well, once bitten, twice shy.
Currently, I am doing my very best to follow the 37 Rules. Since my last update I have not initiated contact with the exception of last night. He called five times in three days, so I thought I was safe to return the call.
Last night he sounded very depressed. His mother is having health issues. I asked him why he sounded so sad and he said he just "felt lost" and that his emotions were "peaks and valleys". Then he changed the subject. I did not press.
Nothing about OW. I bit my tongue but I have to confess I am dying to know what is really going on there. It may not make any difference to "us" in the end but I would like to know.
He asked about my parent and how things were going. He said he wished he could be there for me more. I did not know how to respond to that (inside I was thinking how about not throwing me under the bus?) so I stayed silent.
No ILYs this time, just "I feel better when I talk to you."
And so, while the pursuit is all his, nothing has truly changed. Our conversations are never about the two of us, they are about him and me. There has been zero talk of the future, not even of visits nor of any future plans. For now, I am OK with that.
