Such a tricky thing to wrap your head around and understand... Really, truly understand.
I think earlier on, I did get that this was not about me, so that I shouldn't take what he said and did personally. Seeing his behavior with our children - cold and distant- really helped with that. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he loved them. Yet, he could not show them love.
What was difficult for me was separating his actions from me being hurt. I still struggle with this.
It does still pain me when I see him dressed up in one of his date night outfits, knowing he is going to see her. Meanwhile, he will look me right in the face and lie about where he is going.
Remember, he thinks I have no idea about OW. He "thinks" he hides it so well. What cluelessness.
I think I viewed detachment before as pretending I didn't know what was going on, just keep sticking my head in the sand.
I thought I was detached, but I was wrong. I was still watching him, waiting for that little sign that he was coming around.
I realize now that as long as he lives here, I can not fully let go and detach. And he is not really free to heal himself.
A lose/lose situation, right?
While it still hurts to know he is with someone else, I have accepted that I can't control that or anything else about him. He is free to go. But he doesn't get me.
And if I can take a moment to think highly of myself, I believe I am the best he is ever going to get. I may not be perfect, but I'm pretty damn good. He bailed on me and our M - and that is something he will have to deal with and live with.
Don't sell yourself short Nero. We don't "have" to do anything. We don't have to put up with their nonsense. We don't have to be a part of their daily lives and madness. We don't have to stop loving/caring about them either.
And yes, our "real" H's would be a hard act to follow. But we don't know if/when they are coming back.
We get to decide what WE want in the end. I see that now.
My story is still being written, and so is yours. I personally would rather be the heroine instead of the damsel in distress... How about you?
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
