He didn't really get upset but he told me not to bring that up in front of S9. S9 has no idea about this and it was such an innocuous comment, but H takes it to the next level and gets in a tizzy over nothing.
I find it amazing how perspectives are so personal, and so varying. This ^^ really set alarms off in my head. Your response to your H is exactly like what my H does to me. I read:
"He didn't really get upset" == "takes it to the next level and gets in a tizzy over nothing."
Which is it? You admit that he didn't really get upset, but then turned it around and said that he got in a tizzy. To me, getting in a tizzy implies going rather ballistic. Then you completely dismissed his feelings altogether because he was (or wasn't) upset about "nothing." Regardless of whether or not you see it the way he does, discounting his feelings on the matter is not respectful. It would be similar to your H mocking you for being upset over a silly broken trinket, when to you it was a precious momento that your g-ma gave you years ago just before she died.
I think it's wonderful that you're working on your communication skills. What about your attitude? Contempt is one of the four horsemen of M (referencing the four horsemen of the Apocalypse.) Here's a description of contempt:
Quote:
Contempt is any statement or nonverbal behavior that puts yourself on a higher ground than your partner. Mocking your partner, calling them names, rolling your eyes and sneering in disgust are all examples of contempt. Of all the horsemen, contempt is the most serious. Couples have to realize that these types of put downs will destroy the fondness and admiration between them. The antidote to contempt is to lower your tolerance for contemptuous statements and behaviors and to actively work on building a culture of appreciation in the relationship.
I think this also supports the previous suggestion that you should still be appreciative of your H washing dishes. And btw, I completely get where you're coming from. I used to feel that same way too. Still have a hard time with it. But I haven't found contempt to be helpful in any way, soooo...
