trying to save my marriage Phase 2

[notsurewhat2do]

WOW - For my husband, lots of great advice here. I'm googling the website mentioned here also.

I started a new thread on newcomers for myself "Huge Mistake, What do I do now?" I thought I was doing so good, but I made a huge fatal mistake, talking about OW. I am so hurt by this (not the failing of our marriage, but just the lost trust) that I have said a consistant message about our situation and it's hurtful to H. He called me on it and I honestly can say after days of self reflection ... he was right to call me on it. So, I'm afraid that I've messed anything that might have been left of mine and H's relationship.

My H threw at me that his and OW's relationship started out as "just chatting on the phone" and he doesn't see it as an EA. I did call him on that, saying when you text someone that much, it's an affair, regardless of it being physical or not. AND the fact they are living together ... safe a bedroom ... it is now a full blow affair - although didn't say that. I just keep telling him YOU ARE LIVING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN and YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. Does that not mean anything?

FMH, I am glad you are trying have set a schedule. I think it will help DD. My DD asked me this weekend if it would make me sad if she has a room at H's house. That is what has all these feeling stirred up in me. She went to his new house and told me about it, I acted interested, but didn't ask a lot of questions other than asking if she met OW. I also told her it does make me sad, but the only reason I told H she couldn't be around OW was because what H is doing is wrong. He is married and living with someone that is not his wife. It is just wrong. Morally wrong. Period. I feel like my daughter is going to be jaded because of this situation anyways, but I don't want her to 1)ever be the OW in a situation and 2)don't want her to think it's okay because her Dad did it. I am so scared as to what DD will do in her own married life.

For those reading this post (since obiviously mine was too long for anyone to respond) Are FMH and I wrong to try and hold on to our marriages? I'm riding the fence on filing. I don't want H to think I'm okay with it because I'm not, but I don't want to hold onto something when its obivious that there is nothing we can do? And is it EVER okay to tell WAS that the door is always open? I want H to know that I could forgive him in time, if I knew he was sincere about wanting to reconcile. But how do you let WAS know that?