You did something very wrong. I'm not going to tell you what it is because it's been repeated over and over again in your thread, by now you should know it without being told. Read your last post, and tell us, what did you do wrong?
IMHO your error was letting her access to YOUR home and allowing her to talk to you like that.
Change the locks and tell her that her mail is going to be forwarded somewhere else. Then just don't talk to her AT ALL. You need to go cold turkey on her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I mean she's living elsewhere, she's seeing another guy, she comes over and abuses you. You don't get a chance to see the children. She used your resources and took you for granted. What possibly could be the reason why you're not packing up her stuff?
And to tell you the truth, if you want any chance of getting her back, you have to do something drastic so she knows you're not available.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Probably one trying to talk to her at all while she was in the house. Two, the text about the hospital.
You need to think in DB terms. That's why it's so important to memorize Sandi's DB tips, or at least review them daily until you understand the concept of each one. Because then as you face a situation and are trying to determine how to respond, one of the tips will pop into your head and help you determine the best course of action.
Quote:
I went up to see if she's was going to be in the bathroom.
4. Do not follow your spouse around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention.
Quote:
She says "I have my period and I'm a bitch. I'm in pain and might be going to the hospital. It's my first day off from both jobs and I'm trying not to fight with you or give you any attitude". I say "I'm not giving attitude, I asked a question and said have a good day".
1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turns the spouse completely off!
Quote:
Then I text "Sorry to hear you might go to the hospital. I hope you're alright."
2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first.
The tips were written before texting became so popular, but the above applies to texting and email as well as phone calls.
The bottom line is you've got to break your pattern of "more of the same" behavior. To do that you need to read and live Sandi's DB tips. You don't even have to read DR if you can spend serious time reading, understanding and memorizing the tips. It's a sticky right at the top of the forum.
When I locked her out, drastically, back in Oct...worst thing I did.
I wasn't clear, ONLY reason I went to see if she was in the bathroom is b/c I needed to get in there for a shower for work and was going to tell her so if she was occupying it.
So it's not even reasoning about the R, don't reason anything.
Am I to show no care or compassion? She says she might go to the hospital and I'm cold and don't care?
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
I understand why you did it in Oct. but at that time she was living there. She's not living there any more correct? And in what way are you not showing care or compassion? She's the one who hasn't shown any of that. Plus you mentioned the hospital thing like 3 times. She doesn't care if you care right now.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I don't like that person and I'm not going down that road again, I'm not locking her out or anything similar. Plus, I thought having some sort of contact provides an opportunity for your SO to see your changes. Granted, I actually need to make the changes, but what I've noticed on these forums and from the book is when there are no kids or other reason to interact the leaving partner can forget the DB partner pretty easily. When there's contact from kids, working together, or a shared residence then you're at least in their peripheral vision to show change.
One of her complaints during the R was that I was selfish and didn't really care about her and the kids. Busy schedule, period, illnesses, hospital visits, the smaller side of "caring" so I was attempting to show it does matter to me - 180. But I also see what you mean about not caring if I care....why did she bring it up? Just to start a fight so that I can be the bad guy and she can justify her feelings?
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
