Reb, From what I understand most MLCer's do want to come home. The thing is that most LBS choose to not wait the MLC out, either due to too much damage or loss of feelings for the MLCer, moved on with their lives, etc.
This is not a short journey and there are no guarantees what kind of person you'll get back. Generally there are changes in both MLCer and LBS.
From what I've heard and read those marriages that do make it through MLC are better and stronger than ever.
So, what I get out of this is that while it is the MLCer's choice to check out of the M, it is the LBS's choice whether to let them back in at the end of the crisis.
Of course there are those MLCer's that do not ever come out the other side, but I believe they are the exceptions and not the rule.
Mizjd gives you good advice, shift your focus back to what you can control, you.
