First of all there are a number of people who are successful and actually quite a few recently. You just haven't looked enough. Plus irregardless of what stage anyone is at, it's important to see what the little positives are to build into big ones.
Continue to journal here and write your full marital history. All you've been doing is writing about what's happening now. Explain about the past and how you got to where you're at. Also explain what negatives he saw in you and your R. You can do this, but the board can't help unless you give us more to go by.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
