So she made there and back home safe. Turns out she has become resistant to the antibiotic she was prescribed for this, so they gave her another one. On her way back she asked if I'd make her some soup. I agreed and had it ready for her. That's a change for her in the sense of me regaining trust. Right after the NYE moment, she was fearful of eating / drinking anything I made. Actually she had 2 bowls of the soup. Also, once she finished eating she asked me to stay tonight in case she gets sick and / or she took some pain meds. I agreed, especially b/c we never discussed this week, yet. Another ounce of trust as she was fearful of me right after NYE. Now I'm not taking all this as HOPE, that we're getting back together. I'm taking this as signs to make amends for my outburst, repair trust, and create a friendship.
You can regain the trust little by little. Are you sure a flicker of hope is not there, though? I'm saying this bc that's the way I would feel...like maybe things could still turn around.
It's OK, by the way, to feel this hope. Just make sure you continue taking care of yourself.
Hey Tori and FY, thanks for commenting with words and warm wishes. Yes, a little hope is there. So here's the rest of the night. I had to bring up some bills that are due and are ongoing struggle to make ends meet despite each of us having good paying jobs. It turned into an interesting convo about how for some, staying in a "miserable" M is easier than a D. It was serious, but lighthearted. I kept validating where / how I could. I didn't make reference to us staying together. I did state to her that she's on her path and I'm on mine. Near the end of the convo, I brought up one of our songs (with a little tweaking), and made her guess it. She was right. The song, "Even though we ain't got money...". Neither of us finished the the chorus. Lol. We smiled. I went to workout in the basement. It was a good one. As far as "housing" she suggested I just stay here for a few days and we will see where / if there is much tension. I let her take the lead on most of the ideas. So, I would say I have been successful at being friendly and it was accepted. Being the person I want to be. .
Thanks Wendy. Again, I'm trying. Not always easy. As far as alcohol, I'm still staying away from it, and so far so good.
I few struggles are the whole OM scenario. I know not to bring him up, to see if they're "dating" again or not. Just let it play out right? Be the best me, that only a fool would choose to leave (if that's ultimately what I want). I get leave work a little early, so I'm outta for now (and will check back later tonight).
Mini journal & several questions I'd love some input on.
Made it home a little early. Interactions with W were okay. She was a little friendly / chatty and then again a little withdrawn. I spend my time focusing on the boys as D12 was hanging with W. I worked out. W went to bed earlier than usual (still not feeling good). I ended my night with a late meal watching TV. A nice little change. This morning W maintained overall same demeanor. Asked if I was willing to help get S2 ready for daycare. Of course. So no biggie either way.
A few details about the convo the other night. With some questions. It appeared she was questioning the D. She had a sad look in her eyes. She agreed it was partially sad & the pain meds. She stated that she felt that I was being manipulative b/c of money. Using it to my advantage ??? I did have a christmas check in my wallet that I admittedly did not cash as I was unsure of what to do with it. Pre 2nd BD, it was going to be ours to use towards bills. I honestly said I was holding onto in case I needed to pay a L. She pleaded I deposit so that we don't hurt ourselves too much financially. I agreed (and did the following day with which she genuinely thanked me). So how can I show her that I'm not using $ as a manipulation. I'm not. Side note, I did start a separate acct for dividend checks (they should be coming soon). What if / when she sees them? Also, we have a credit card. I asked once again for it back. She agreed not to use it, but "what if there is an emergency?" Isn't that sort of a manipulation on her part? Or at least kind of a cakeeating move?
I don't think you're manipulating by using the money. You are right to be saving in case you have to pay for a L's retainer, which will at least be $3500. The separate account? I think you should be honest and open about it. She should know you have it but she should also know it's YOUR account.
The joint credit card has to go, but if you want to wait to see if she really files, then you can wait till then. If she files, though, close the credit card immediately.
Tough stuff. Sending you prayers for wisdom and peace ((((()))))
Thanks for checking in along with the prayers. Can always use wisdom and peace regardless of our sichs. 8)
Things around the house have been kind of the same. No negative or positive interactions to speak. W and kids are off from work / school b/c of snow. W asked for me to text her when I arrived at work, so she knows I made it. So I did in an updbeat positive manner. I've been keeping my PMA.
For some reason, a little anger crept in this morning (not just b/c they're off and I'm at work ). I think it has to do with honesty / deceit. Per my question, I feel a bit deceitful with the whole separate checking acct, but hey, I need to CYA & my pay check is still going into our joint acct. More of it seems to be stemming from the whole, she was / is still in contact with OM, lack of honesty on her part. What was I expecting then and now? I keep trying to remind myself, be her friend. Let her make her own choices and deal with whatever happens, while I make and deal with my own. A recent post from Regretful regarding how OMs fulfill unmet needs of the WAS has me thinkiing. Wow, in my sich OM is a player + W primary LL is WOA = Cards stacked against a chance of R. Then again, I am the better option comparatively (not judgementally) speaking; and what about my unment / unasked for needs within the old R? Some of this is rambling, I need to get it out of my head. 8) Thanks for listening.
A few other random notes: I haven't look at those books you suggested Tori, for some reason there's something about Dyer that doesn't agree with me. I am glad that his work has helped you. I'm thinking of "After the Affair." Simply to help me get past what has / is happening with W and also with an earlier R I had where I was cheated on.
I think I need to listen to what many of you are saying in regards to how I'm doing. I am doing pretty well, considering the sich I /we are in. Thank you for the ongoing support / confidence boost.
Reading other sichs is so helpful and helps with self reflection (eg Bug's recent posts about asking for needs).
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