Hang in there Carole, you are in a terrible place that most if not all of us have been in. It gets better. Time WILL heal. For now, stop reaching out to him entirely. He will call when he's ready, and then you can decide whether or not to answer
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I know he has to call eventually, I just going over and over in my mind what he has said and done. The worst is not knowing where he is.. Although think the OW was telling the truth and he did leave me/ us. Pretty chicken way of doing things though. One minute anger the next worried sick.keep thinking I am the one who pushed him away.
I've read this entire thread and am not sure I understand the picture, was he living at home and now he's just up and disappeared for several days? If that's the case then I would try to locate him just to make sure he's OK, but if he is and he did decide to leave you and just quit talking to you then that would be a strong signal that you should go dark on him. After you're able to verify he's OK, then I would cease all contact with him unless it's something urgent.
H texted me last night telling me he was ok, spent the weekend analyzing his thoughts . Told me what he thought to the question to him.. What do you want from me. I let him talk.. Accuray, I believe you are correct in that we both neglected each other, which led to this affair. He did call again, and we talked, told I believed he left, he asked why.. I said to due to the events off the last week , first her call, emails, then your job, then MIA. He said he always comes home. I still do not know where we are going, as I do believe any contact with the OW is a continual threat to me. But I know that as he is aware of how I feel about that and that will never change for me.
H works out of town for extended periods of time and comes home on days off.. Well until this year with the OW involved. He hasn't technically left the home.. Ie: packed his bags and left.. But still isn't home much.
Ad had a great post for you to consider...really evaluate where YOU are and what YOU want. Your H is going to probably continue his CAKE-EATING behavior as long as you allow it. He seems to think he can continue status-quo.
I think it was selfish of him to disappear for 3 days & not contact you or his children! That speaks to where he is at. He says he "always comes home." Well, maybe he assumes that will always be an option no matter what his actions are.
It sounds to me like you are getting to the point where you are ready to make some changes or some decisions or at least set some boundaries. I would suggest going as dim as possible.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
LittleGTO- I agree it was selfish for H to go MIA.. We spoke on the phone, and he has been at home since last night. We have fought, cried, etc. I realize how we have come to this point.. And think whoever stated it, was correct , in that we both neglected and ignored each other. This didn't happen over night and as I think of the events over the past few years.. It has brought us to here. Please understand that, I do not accept this OW, never will and he knows that. I know we need to make us a priority, and as I told him, and argued with him over the last few months about this, all I accomplished was push him closer to her.. I told him as well, that due to his work, (being away from home so much, )I felt he neglected me. But we are talking, that is a start. We can't work on us... If we do not communicate with each other.
Another stander.. If you go to my previous threads you can read my story, need help..
It would be helpful if you created a synopsis of your sitch and posted it as your signature, see the many others on here for examples. Also when you post a new thread you need to post a link to your old thread or you shouldn't expect others to go to the effort to locate it and read it. You need to make it as easy as possible for others if you want to maximaze responses.
