NOt current on your whole thread, but read the last few posts. I agree w FY, not to say anything about the gifts. I would also change the last line to say, "I am hear to listen any time." The way you said it makes it sound like an open invite to spew.
I understand that being in limboland is an extremely difficult place to be. BUt, you have to be ready to accept her actions if you are thinking of pushing her to make some sort of decision. Are you?
Well all i can say is I am trying to get some reaction from her on this. Yes it is an open invite and maybe that is what she needs. But i will not put up with being disrespected too. As far as pushing for a decision that was not the intent. I was just going to go and listen to what she has to say not agree with or say anything. just listen.. Am I ready for what she has to say i do not know are any of us ready for any of this?
ok this is a clean report no personal info in this. Hi WAW, I am sure you have a lot that you want to say to me. I was thinking about the text you sent me the other day saying you are so angry at me about your family and them choosing to have contact with me. What you need to know is that when I'm around them we do not talk about you AT ALL!! Well OK I did say how proud I was with stepdaughter and that she has come a long way and how you should feel good about that. This also makes me feel good to see her do well...I hope it makes you feel good too.. But, I have not and will never say any negative things if anything at all about what is going on with you or me!!!! Even if anyone try to bring it up I do not feed into it. This truly hurts me more than you know to hear you say you think I am causing you to hate your family!! It also hurts me to think you are still so angry and upset at me for this long (I just don't get it as i have not been around for so long)!! Please know that I have never done or will never do anything to you or anyone to EVER disrespect you at all!!! I love you way to much to treat you with any disrespect anger or even to ignore you.. You should know that!!! I just get the feeling that you have a lot to say based on your Disdain and hate/anger and the total ignoring anything positive that has been said, done or even given to you!!! I would never treat you this way at all !!! If you would like to meet to discus things I am now willing to sit and Listen to anything you have to say. Again, I am ready to listen to any and all that you have to say to me with no holding back from you.. I'm all ears....
There are plenty of things in your text that I feel are not in your best interest to say. I don't have the time to pick it apart right now, but will try to get back to you soon. I'd advise not sending it yet.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Hi WAW, I am sure you have a lot that you want to say to me. Really? How do you know this? Maybe she hasn't been contacting you because she has very little to say to you.
I was thinking about the text you sent me the other day saying you are so angry at me about your family and them choosing to have contact with me. What you need to know is that when I'm around them we do not talk about you AT ALL!! Pointing out someones anger usually doesn't go over well with them. You have not been cut off from her family, no need to make excuses for seeing them.
Well OK I did say how proud I was with stepdaughter <-- good and that she has come a long way and how you should feel good about that. <----Don't tell her how she should feel! -but it's ok to say you "hope" she feels good about it. See the difference? This also makes me feel good to see her do well...I hope it makes you feel good too..
But, I have not and will never say any negative things if anything at all about what is going on with you or me!!!! Even if anyone try to bring it up I do not feed into it. This truly hurts me more than you know to hear you say you think I am causing you to hate your family!! It also hurts me to think you are still so angry and upset at me for this long (I just don't get it as i have not been around for so long)!! Again, I question the wisdom of offering justification for seeing her family, which is your family too. And again, pointing out her anger is unlikely to help her to warm up to you.
Please know that I have never done or will never do anything to you or anyone to EVER disrespect you at all!!! I love you way to much to treat you with any disrespect anger or even to ignore you.. You should know that!!! It's ok to tell her you will not disrespect her, but don't tell her what she should know! That makes you sound like her Dad.
Speaking of disrespect, what about her disrespect of you and the marriage?
I just get the feeling that you have a lot to say based on your Disdain and hate/anger and the total ignoring anything positive that has been said, done or even given to you!!! I would never treat you this way at all !!! Again, you don't know that she has a lot to say. It seems more likely the opposite: she has little to say. Nothing good can come from bringing up her "hate and anger". And at least two posters have advised you to not mention the gifts at all.
If you would like to meet to discus things I am now willing to sit and Listen to anything you have to say. Again, I am ready to listen to any and all that you have to say to me with no holding back from you.. I'm all ears...
You are Now willing? You were always willing, she's the one who refused to meet up with you.
What is it exactly you are looking to accomplish here LF? Yeah I know, get her to come back and love you, but we both know that's not going to happen next week. What is your short term goal here? Are you ready to give up on her? Maybe with that information, some of the other posters here can help you write up a better plan/text.
I know you said your coach advised the text. What did she recommend regarding the content of that text?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Well FY You pointed out alot that i did not think about.
I have not sent the text yet and just dont know if or when I will. You ask what my Goal is here and well I guess for now it would be to just have my W talk to me with what she wants. The hope is that we can beging to move forward together some how. But Also if im totaly honest with myself about the short term goals Well I realy dont know what i want. I just know i want to have my W back home. I Just know she hold so much anger but i can say the anger is directed at me but it is ore so she is angrey at herself for whatever reason.
You are correct that i have always been willing to well do whatever it takes to work this out. W is the one that has not shown any thing but well anger i would say. Even to her MOM..
The content of the message was mostly hers the coach. I am sure that i put a spin on it as i tried to remember what she told me to say.
I JUST DONT KNOW. i am at a loss on what to do with this if anything. I have had NC with W since 12-31-12 I did text her to say Hi and hope the day goes well but she does not reply any longer. So I have even lost the little contact i had with her.
If there is anyone here reading this that can help me come up with a text to sand to W I am open to all
I JUST DONT KNOW. i am at a loss on what to do with this if anything.
Well, you know what DB says about this... When you're not sure what to do, DO NOTHING. Since she's not responding, it's probably best you give the texts a break.
Keep posting to get back off moderation.
Quote:
If there is anyone here reading this that can help me come up with a text to send to W I am open to all.
Another point of view or two always is nice.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Well I took a chance yesterday and sent W a text ..
" Hi hope your day is as bright as your smile is. I'm just sharing here. I do still love you very much XXXXX.... Hope all is well with you. I have been a little sick for a few days now."
she replied
" i've been better. but ty. Feel Better."
that was nice for the reply, Just still wish I could be there for her.
I feel like sending a text today to say i hope she is better today. but dont want to over do things too.
I am putting on hold that one text i was told to send. There is something about it that just does not sit well with me at all. I know that some how some thing has to start happening. Yeas I have a hard time waiting but but i will..
I guess the very first goal i have is to just try to be able to talk to my W with out the fear i place on it. I want to just talk on the phone maybe coffee or dinner.
Maybe this will help everyone here know what or how to guide me.
Well I took a chance yesterday and sent W a text ..
" Hi hope your day is as bright as your smile is. I'm just sharing here. I do still love you very much XXXXX.... Hope all is well with you. I have been a little sick for a few days now."
she replied
" i've been better. but ty. Feel Better."
I'm glad to hear she replied, but be careful with the I love you's and kisses for a while, that could scare her away. You're just trying to be friends for now, not get her to recommit to you.
Quote:
I guess the very first goal i have is to just try to be able to talk to my W with out the fear i place on it. I want to just talk on the phone maybe coffee or dinner.
This is a reasonable goal, I'd say.
Do you know her work hours? When she would be available to meet up?
One technique my first coach taught me works like this: You tell her you are going to XXXX place at XXXX time, and ask if she wants to join you. If she says no thanks, that's ok, you go anyway. This way she feels no obligation because you were already going on your own. Try again next week.
Don't say you want to talk about the relationship, just keep it light and friendly. Same thing if she actually meets up with you. No Pressure!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
