Starting to pay attention to the patterns going on with me and my H. This morning my son had an early soccer game so H made some food. I asked him if there was anything left or if I'd have to get something on my own. He said, "There's toast, bacon and coffee." My response: "But no eggs?"
I think I need to focus on identifying the moments in which he's being attacking and letting the arrows go by instead of slinging back. That is hard but I think it will be a good practice for me.
H makes breakfast. You ask if there is any left. He says yes, but basically you shut him down. How about "thanks, I am starving ...do you mind if I have some?"
I would take the comment the same way. I made breakfast and all spouse saw was what was missing instead of what I did. You may have not meant it that way, but it was perceived that way.
It is so cool you have begun to recognize this, but it was not an arrow. You got an Act of Service and you didn't even realize it.
Even if you get in this situation and you don't like what's coming out of your mouth, stop it. Even backtrack and say " you know, that came out wrong. Let me start again." And start again with a different dialogue.
Today for instance, I said something to a mutual friend while sitting with her and H. I heard myself and sent a text later on to clarify what I was saying, simply because it sounded like was blaming H. Also showed H the text, and it was not complimentary to me, but praised him. It was only the truth and I had to take ownership.
So, I like that you are beginning to realize the patterns. If my H made breakfast, all I would say is thanks!
