I think there is something very important in your response. You said that you've managed your expectations. I guess I couldn't do that. I controlled it better, but to say that I got it under control would be a complete lie on my part.
My H also will have a "bad" interaction with me and then come back and act as if nothing was wrong. I was frustrated by that. The two months leading up to the holidays were BAD because I became more and more frustrated. New Year's eve was the final blowup. He just sat there acting like nothing was wrong (Christmas was a disaster). We drove 13 hours back to TN and barely had a word for one another. Then sat there on New Year's and not saying a word... and I just thought it was insane and I asked him to leave (which he did without argument). I mean why bother with someone who really couldn't care less if you're around? He came back a couple of days later. And nothing was wrong again. Only I had flipped out this time. I could no longer stand to be in the same room. I had hit the wall. It sounds like you control your emotions better.
I'm sad to hear that you have gotten to the point you've gotten to. And I will tell you, I get it so much. Your H and my H have a lot in common. But D is horrid and if there's a way to avoid it, avoid it. But if you lose yourself in the process, it might be time to move on. I wanted so badly to save my M that I kind of lost my focus on me in the process. A friend had told me a couple of weeks ago that H was trying in his own way. That rattled me and probably delayed the inevitable. I kept trying to figure out what more I could do. But what it finally came down to was, while that may be true, I'm not handling the situation well at all. And there has to be a point where you fight for yourself. I can't continue to blame H for my misery. I said as much to him when I told him I was leaving. But, CV? It stinks. I'm not happy now either. I want to run home right now. This isn't fun. It's like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. So think hard. Keep talking here. Maybe we just haven't stumbled across the whole answer yet.
