H's MLC started when BF murdered

[GatorGirl]

I guess I just don't know what to expect. I know this experience is different for everyone. At least I feel like I'm somewhat normal.

Had lunch with my SIL on Friday and we discussed the obvious. Her H and my H are brothers, so we have a similar perspective on our shared family. She still can't believe H wants a divorce and doesn't believe he "tried everything" as he claims. I showed her a little information on MLC and I think maybe she finally 'got' it. It's amazing how people on the outside have no idea. Her H (my H's brother) also is still shocked and hopes to have a few drinks alone with my H to discuss things when H goes to his hometown for his birthday next month. I warned SIL that he is very tight lipped and will likely say he's fine and everything is fine. His family thinks he needs therapy and I tried to explain to SIL that it's part of the disease-they think they're fine. They don't think they need therapy because, in their mind, nothing is wrong with them. And I don't think there's any amount of convincing in the universe to make them change their minds. SIL sees that the issues are with H and only he can fix them. I actually felt like someone in his family understood me for five minutes because honestly, I've spent the last four months feeling like they see me as the horrible wife. That hurts a great deal.

Strangely, BIL ran into a very good friend of H and his late BFF at a party a month or so ago. She had no idea we were splitting up and said H was likely a changed person after BFF's murder and appeared to be shocked by his irrational behavior. Go figure. It's just amazing that he's not telling anyone about this. I'm honest and open almost to a fault and I know it's really not doing me any favors in the midst of his MLC. I refuse to pretend the universe is fine when it is not, and H seems perfectly content to do just that. He's been putting on this facade for over a decade, so why would it stop now? He's merely covering his depression as he has done for as long as I've known him and I fear it will catch up with him sooner rather than later.

I know that time is my friend in all of this. I truthfully don't want to be married to the Monster that has taken over H and I know that he will never be the same when this process is complete. I feel like divorce is a reversible process and maybe that's what needs to happen now as much as I am on the fence about it. There are moments when I just want it done and moments when I feel like I could wait for all of this to pass. I'm still not going to be the one to file but I plan on being totally prepared for when he does. I'm working with my attorney on the necessary paperwork so I am not rushing to get things done when I'm served. It's a horrible feeling but I will make it through.