Unpacking my bags

[Valeska19]

Well how much communication do you have with them?

[needgrace]

Not much. No one lives close except SIL and her children. SIL left me a voicemail last night about getting together this week or next. Thanks.

[Valeska19]

well if it's not much.. then just let it be. Just like your spouse - be kind and polite, but don't initiate contact.

I suppose If you want to address it with SIL, you can. If you want to just tell her that you are really busy at this time and will give her a ring once things slow down - you can do that too.

I know it's really hard but there is no right or wrong answer here.. only the one you have live with.

[needgrace]

Interesting Val.. your post made me think. I had not even considered just saying that I am busy for now... that made me think about my motives for wanting to tell SIL that I can't hang out with her right now..

I think I would be looking for validation in some way by telling that to SIL, wanting them to see how horrible it is what W did..... I think it would also be a passive aggressive way of expressing my anger with W's family (knowing SIL would tell the others) for lack of support through this..

thanks Val.. sitting with my feelings, posting and examining them gave me a new awareness.. and that awareness helps me make a better choice, i think... i am busy right now... and that is what i will say.. with love, of course.

[subguy]

i thought she looked and sounded unhappy and i need to be careful to not project anything on her.. and instead of deciding how she feels?" and turn back to focusing on ME, just say "isn't that interesting

Love it I'm gonna steal that if you don't mind.

[needgrace]

hi subguy,

thanks for stopping by.. that is one of the mantras that stuuborndyke came up with a few months ago. (check out her thread for some really good insights) she posted some more good ones on busting out's thread a few weeks ago, i think

they really help.

[needgrace]

update:

the last week has peeled another layer off of my detachment onion (thanks OP for the analogy, it is so true)... there was great pain as it was peeled, but now i feel more peaceful than i have for a long time.

i went to a writers workshop yesterday which was really cool.. it was a children's book writing club but the workshop on setting writing goals and how to get published could apply to any genre. i had done some small work on a children's book awhile back but the workshop made me think about a novel about an LBS????

[StubbornDyke]

I'm glad to hear that you're on a peaceful stepping stone for now. The writing workshop sounds like an inspiring experience.

"a novel about an LBS?" - ooh, are you really sure you want to go there? LOL

[bustingout]

NG I too and happy to read you found peaceful ground once again. :-) It feels good when we reach there. I think when we lose our way for a bit, we find that peace sooner than we had the last time.

A novel huh....what could it be called...?????

[needgrace]

hi sd, how are you? did you have a feeling i was talking about you??? any new mantras for us?

and dear busting, how are you? i hope you are feeling peaceful as well. i may have to call it the picnic sisters