OMG! I don't know if I would find that humorous or disturbing! lol! As much as I don't believe in horoscopes, I do believe that God/the universe speaks to us in the medium that we listen to. Sometimes it's a phone call at just the right time, a song that plays on the radio, a new friend that suddenly enters our life , etc.
If only there was a "Is this really you?" button!
Well done on the mindless conversation. That really is a big accomplishment. I sometimes find it really difficult to take my mind off of things, and friends are good for that. I suspect that Xanax would be to! lol! I should get me some of that. I have a bit of a fear of what I would do on it, since I'm holding on by a thread already. I might just let go of the thread and run like the wind!
As for H, the epiphany is still with me. No, I don't think I can ever trust him again. Since he really hasn't changed anything, I would be a fool if I did. And he's so averse to change, I don't think he'll do anything voluntarily. I'm still going to keep working on me, but I give the M less than a 1% chance of success. Knowing that has alleviated a lot of the pressure I put on myself to figure out a way to make it work. It *can't* work without trust.
I approached him in a conversation yesterday. I really thought it would go well, because it was focused on MY behavior. Since I'm still working on me, I don't mind using him as a mirror. Well H has always accused me of being controlling. I pointed out that I was really working on it, gave him a few examples of situations where I avoided something I thought he might consider controlling on my part. He said that's not what he was talking about, that he has a different meaning when he says I'm being controlling.
So I tried to get some examples from him. This is something he has accused me of for our entire M. I spent 2 hours pursing it from him and never could get an example. At one point, he asked if he could get back to me, and I said no (I broke the rules there, I know) because this is something he has been crabbing about for 18 years, that he would outright categorize me as controlling still today, so it shouldn't take time to come up with a few examples. Anyway, he finally just stomped off, pixxed at me.
Isn't that something? I tell him I'm working on my behavior to address my stuff that he doesn't like, ask him to help me to understand what those behaviors are, and he doesn't tell me anything and then stomps off mad.
So I think I've determined that I can't used H as a mirror. No biggie, I'm not completely blind to my own faults.
