You're right, you can not make her give him up, she has to decide to do that. But you can tell her you need her to end it, for your marriage and family to have a chance. Then back away and detach. Focus on you and your kids. Build a happy and fulfilling life for yourself without her.
Whatever you do, don't file or throw down an ultimatum unless you are ready to follow through with it. You will lose all credibility if you do that and then change your mind.
Have you read DR yet? It will help you decide how to proceed. DB requires us to be patient.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
