Have been reading your posts on various threads. Lots of interesting thoughts - I think many can relate to what you are feeling.
The thought of being alone for the rest of our lives IS scary and sad. But for me, I find that I'm focusing on being alone in the now. How I would deal with H being gone while raising two small kids. My love life - or lack of one - is definitely low man on the totem pole.
I very much miss having that kind of R in my life, miss having that R with my H. Yes, my close confidants assure me that I would have no problem finding someone else to love and appreciate me. But... I got married believing I would be with my H forever. I was prepared to be with him, and only him, for the rest of the my life.
That being said... We can't control our H's - what they think, what they feel, what they do. So, I've finally come to the fork in the road about deciding on a different path.
H's on that hamster wheel, running in place going no where. I sure as hell don't want to be running in place right along with him.
Have been rereading stuff on detachment. I have a new perspective and understanding that I didn't have earlier in the journey. Who's to say what my perspective will be 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now?
When you talk about GAL stuff... I understand not wanting to be fake. But, maybe doing something different and outside of your comfort zone would be something to look forward to. Plus, what talents or interests do you have? Could you volunteer or work somewhere, even part-time? Seems like you have spent many years taking care of others, which you can still continue to do. Just work on taking care of good ole Nero too.
Getting all philosophical with ya here - I do believe we all go through difficult times in our lives, more than once. And we bounce back, again and again. Our hearts may be broken, but we are still alive. A line from one of my favorite movies, Fried Green Tomatoes... " A heart may be broken, but it keeps on beating just the same."
So true.
Hope you are feeling better, and that your mother is feeling better too. Keep working on that PMA and taking care of you.
Have a nice Sunday
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
