OMG - you poor kid- it is soooo true. i cannot even imagine the pain of you having continual reminders - and having to KNOW it on a daily basis in your face-
just before - this morning- when i went in to turn on his computer to use the printer- and his e-mail screen comes up (the harmless one) - it makes my stomach flop-
i look at the stinking screen (i could toss it out the window- honestly) and feel sick- from that one e-mail i read- almost two years ago- burned onto my heart forever -
I STOP MYSELF from EVER looking for others. i know they all exist somewhere- just that one still is burn3d into my brain- i cannot know it and exist in any space with this guy. it will ultimately destroy it all- like a slow , degenerative disease - it's killing the happy memories - the feelings - the "r" or any remnant - slowly , inexorably moving forward- and i feel powerless to stop it- just sitting here watching my heart turn hard, watching his stupid self continue on his blind and foolish trail- some jou4ney - huh???
knowing that - and then the phone text thread i read- well, it's done me in. i wouldn't mind having amnesia - but i don't think it's gonna happen spontaneously -
it is the worst that could be - i can't do it to myself and yay for you to stop that madness in your life. allowing yourself to be off that hook - to side step that particular PAIN in your life -
it dulls out- but it's still there. i never thought i was a "hold a grudge" kinda guy- but apparently i am and will til i die.
ultimately- really, it's killing "us" and anything we had.
what jerks - sorry, just that- stupid, foolish , childish jerks -
aint i mature today??? it's soooo dumb but soooo deadly..
