Soul.Searching my way back.

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks Subguy. I do have goals, not huge ones or a lot of them but I've got what I need for now.
Feeling a little betrayed ATM. I found out the MIL had H, my kids, OW and her kids over for a BBQ. It's not even four months yet and it feels like she is encouraging it. MIL and H also seperately had one on one talks with my kids about OW, despite me asking them not to.
They both told me the kids were fine with it. H hasent even told them that OW is his GF.
Well I finally got my children back today and D9 is not fine with it!
She told me while we were playing that she thinks OW is H's GF because of the way they act and that H sleeps in her bed.
She does like OW and her children but does not like what H is doing.
She said to me "I don't like it and I don't understand how Dad can say its for our own good. You didn't fight very much at all and all married people fight. It's normal and How can Dad even want a girlfriend so soon? I don't like it and I'm sure you don't either Mum but we can't control other people can we? It's not like you can make him love you?" She was close to tears the whole time. She sounded so grown up and like she had put a lot of thought in to it.

She said OW is nice and doesn't yell at them but she really yells at her own kids a lot. She said H yells at OWs kids a lot too but not at them.
Both D9 and S8 said her kids are very badly behaved and that they constantly fight and swear. D9 said that the only boy OW's D who is 13 will allow in her room is her boyfriend.
They slept in a mattress out the loungeroom and ate take away every night except one.

There's been really huge heat waves around here lately. H can't handle the heat. Apparently OWs house is really hot and doesn't have a proper aircon. H must be going insane!!

The kids said that OW went in the pool with them but H wouldn't.
I don't understand him, he makes this big deal about wanting them half the holidays but yet the kids say he doesn't spend time with them. That pisses me off.

H also sounded very dissapointed when he seen our pool. Said it was heaps bigger.
He was also very angry about something he left here getting wet outside, it was right where he left it. I could see and feel his anger but he never said a word about it. I do wonder how long he can keep it under control like that. Must be very hard for him.

Both the kids faces dropped when I told them I had some very sad news to tell them. They both looked so scared. They handled it very well though. It's a lot of them to deal with too.