What I'm learning from H stages, disappointment.

[albamarie]

well how was my day...very exhausting. There was a point were I wanted to leave my own home even though I wasn't even in the conversation.

My MIL and BIL came over and H did end up greeting them. His B started on him because of a comment H made about life blah blah, things got heated. I completely stayed out...man to man they had it under control.

H had mostly spewed the same sh!t, rambling and contradicting his feelings for the family and living here. After 4hrs they were calmly talking and H was revealing info about how ea is very hostile with him and abusive.

BIL said he needs to stay away from ea he's hurting the family...it's was an hour conversation of H denying that he's hurting us by doing his own thing. H said that he will choice freedom over family if it came down to it, BIL was furious w/H.

H revealed that ea/friends are trying to get him to do/sell drugs, and that he knows they use him, and he has given them money. H said he is not my H and will not come home to THIS life, and that BIL isn't even talking to his "brother" right now because "his brother" is locked up in a "cage".

Then spewing how much he hates "that weak, nice guy in the cage" and he will never let that chump of a man out. He said that's not a problem for us because he's still working and coming home.

BIL asked if this was going to be a fight when he leaves, H and I both said no, we don't talk to each other at all. I told BIL I was seeing a C for anxiety, H laughed saying it's funny because he's not worth my grief. He said he could move out...he could live with the drug dealers any time.

H also revealed that he was thinking of doing drugs in order to help/show these addicts how to come off drugs. OMG! Please tell me this is nonsense ramble.

H said he see's and does question what the hell he's doing at times, and he struggles with this. I'm no expert, but I think he needs to leave because he is dipping his toe in, and feeling the quickening of this life all while having the security of home.

He's a vampire at home, sucking out all his needs/energy, and going out at night and feeding his dark side. This can go on forever, he told BIL that he was fine. There is no reason for him to give up either-or when he's being satisfied.

I realized I had not looked H in the eyes when I jumped in the conversation, nor did I look at him at all, I saw him look at me when he spoke, but I continued to look elsewhere. I can't look at him...I am so sick of him, his voice, he's just so ugly to me.

This just help reenforce the importance of going on w/my life as if he's not-H, and taking the steps to protect myself and not be surprised God forbid, if anything happens.

I have to admit when not-H said he had H locked up deep down I felt like crying, I felt hate for this guy talking and sad.