My W does goto counseling for awhile now. Yes I know we are not in piecing. I don't even consider us reconciling. I'm just enjoying the conversations we are having. Like we are friends. Joking and I plan on continuing to work on me
My W does goto counseling for awhile now. Yes I know we are not in piecing. I don't even consider us reconciling. SOMETIMES I think we "piece" before we reconcile, and sometimes I think we decide we WANT to reconcile -- and then we "piece it together", getting new tools and finding our way...sometimes in the dark.
When we finally "get it" enough, we know we have actually reconciled, and that we are restoring our marriage or rebuilding it,
so that's it more than it was before.
Which means it's more than merely reconciling, you know?
Maybe it's semantics.
I'm just enjoying the conversations we are having. Like we are friends. Joking and I plan on continuing to work on me
^^^ GOOD IDEA!!!!! Be Here Now. Stay in the present. No worries!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Well an absolutely amazing weekend. I have my ACOA meeting tonight and my W continues to support me on it, or at least doesn't question me about it. Lots of physical touching over the weekend from her and me. Small stuff initiated by her. Lots of joking around by her involving kids. My love language is physical touch & affirmations so my tank is full. Still sleeping in the spare room which feels akward now that we are getting along.
I still have fear of telling her about EE. I am talking with someone from EE today about program etc.
Doubled GAL from last week. I have ACOA tonight and dinner with college friends on Wednesday.
Our little cooking dinner schedule seems to be working nicely. This is 180. She hates that I don't cook. So I made a list of things I can pull off. Like steaks on the grill, burgers etc..
She even asked before bed last night which nights were mine again. I told her Mon, Wed, Sat.. She joked about it.
I have a pretty good feeling she would be into take the 5 love language quiz online if I worded it right or approached her right. I'm pretty sure her's is act of service. I know for sure its not physical touch, affirmations, gifts. I'm guessing acts of service and quality time. But if I'm completely wrong that would be nice to know.
We actually went over the neighbors house last night (the one she though I had affair with) and had a great time. She has become friends with her and I always was friends with hubby. This seems to be behind us now
Still positive steps going on. She has definitely stopped texting OM and her phone has been wide open. Ironically I have no desire to go into her phone even knowing passwords. I just don't care. Having fun like we have been doing is more important to me
Anyways sort of just journaling.
One thing I do struggle with throughout the day is fear. I fear she will turn this off. She has in the past .That and forgiveness. Forgiving her for the words that have left her mouth in the last year. I try to look at it as her way of healing from all the idiotic things I've done as a selfish self centered ahole of a husband over the years
Glad you guys had a good weekend and things are going well for you. Keep up the good work!!!
I understand what you mean about the fear things. For the fear that she'll 'turn it off' just remember to try to have no expectations and enjoy the moments. As many have told me, forgiving is a choice and you can choose to forgive her if you really want to. I'm just passing it on because I'm struggling with that myself (both her words and her actions).
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I can't recall who, but a few couples have gone to Imago around here, and several have gone to Retrovaille.
I'll try to track down the Imago folks (I know it was on this site) if I can. OR maybe you can post it in a new forum and ask it?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I didn't attend an Imago workshop but I did see an Imago therapist for awhile. I can't speak highly enough about it. It totally changed the dynamic of my relationships in this world and is very similar to DBing.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
