H left yesterday for weekly gambling trip plus to attend his S from 2nd M's engagement party. 2nd X will be there - the one he's pined for and not seen for over 20 years.(although last I heard he'd decided old gf/current ow is REALLY the one)

Night before he left he stuck to me like glue - nervous about reunion with 2ndX and her family. Whatever he doesn't find in me, he DOES seem to find me a source of comfort/security. SMH.

I surprised myself by being so calm about this reunion. For so many years I felt threatened by her, compared to her and found lacking, that I dreaded the day that they would meet again. Now, strangely, I don't feel dread or apprehension. Curiosity - definitely, would love to be a fly on the wall.

Have been having random moments of intense anger. Right now though, can't feel the pain. I liken it to a bruise that I press, wondering "why doesn't this hurt? It hurt just a few days ago..." But I'll take not hurting - even if its temporary.

Tax docs starting to come in smile Looking forward to starting steps toward schooling. Work hasn't "regulated" yet; don't know what my sched will be, or how many hours I can expect. Would like to join the local gym if possible - that too may hinge on the tax situation.

The kids are good. Ss16 got their licenses a couple weeks ago. Amazing how much easier that makes life! D18 has court this week for some of her youthful indiscretions. She's insisted on handling it all on her own. Frankly I'm concerned it will be more penalizing than what she seems to expect, but nothing I can do about that.

Bought H's dumb dog a Kong toy - it scared him silly. Dobie on the outside, chihuaha on the inside. My keeshond said "ooh ooh, let me have it!" And I did. After a few minutes Dobie decided maybe he wanted it after all. Fortunately they share well lol.

Me 46 H 56
M 22 yrs
S22, D20, Twin Ss18

You teach people how to treat you by what you allow.
What you stop.
And what you reinforce.
~~~~~~~
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.