He has always said I would be the "one stuffing him into the ground"..said it 25 yrs ago...said it a week ago. He has always said he would not leave, yet still wanted a relationship with the OW..first a relationship, then "friends" with myself thinking platonic. My husband is normally a great man, I know he never intended this to happen...think he was lonely, needed validation, to feel good about himself..( someone 20 yrs younger wants him and desires him). I think she pursued him...and he made the choice. I think she makes him feel good about himself, I know I became lazy and complacent...always assuming things would be good between us...and his eyes...they are, that hasn't changed for him. He thinks I am upset because I am not involved in thier relationship at all...that I do not participate in what activities they do...that she does things that he thinks I don't want to do..such as mountain climbing, etc. Yet, I have told him I would love to do things with him...but his work prevented that. I also think she is unstable, ( when someone threatens suicide everytime they break up...to me that is someone who is unstable) I think when I gave him the ultimatum in Dec...he chose me...as he always did before when she said her or me..or when he was with family -- whenever we had a family function..she freaked...she broke up with him...threatened suicide.( emotional blackmail). That does NOT excuse HIS behavior..have I been innocent in this? Hell no!...I became lazy and complacent, I know that, I am opinionated...yes..I hold on to grudges for a long time..workign on letting that go. I know what MY faults are...and have been trying to change them.
But wanted a different perspective on why the spouse who had the affair came back to the spouse.
