Moving Forward

[BC39]

Last couple days have been the same. It seems we're kind of dancing around a general undertone of negativity. It has admittedly got me thinking something is wrong that she's not telling me.

I'm struggling with how to communicate with her. I approached her yesterday and asked her assertively if anything was bothering her. She seemed annoyed I asked (she doesn't like being questioned at the best of times). I said I'm just trying to talk to you, I don't want to assume everything is fine and not ask. She said she thought I was acting different the last couple days. I said I guess I was having a hard time not reacting to the way you have been. She said she thought she was reacting to the way I was being. I need to stop this dance.

A coupe minutes later I asked if there was a different way I could have approached the conversation which she seemed to appreciate. A couple minutes after that she came back into the room looked me in the eye and gave me a kiss.

Last night she took the kids to her parents house for a sleep over. First thing this morning she sends me a text "I love how funny you are". I said thanks and asked where that came from? She didn't reply after a minute or so. At that second, for whatever stupid reason, I thought she may not have meant to send it to me. I called her. When she picked up I knew she was wondering why I called and not just continued the text convo. I said I just wanted to see how your morning was going. We talked about other things for a couple minutes. Then she said "did you like my text"? I said yes thanks, where did that come from? She said I was just looking at pics online and the funny comments you made. I said thanks and we hung up. I then went to the site she was talking about. I hadn't made any comments on there. So I called her back again (trying to act completely normal). I said what comment was it that I made I cant find any. She then explained that it was from a few months ago but it just popped up because her mom just 'liked' the pic. Which I remembered from a few months ago. So I just tried to play it off, but then W said "sorry for stressing you out" and seemed kind of annoyed. I said "why would I be stressed out, I was just curious what you were referring to".

Dammit, that conversation didn't help.

I'm now alone in my house until tonight. I haven't been home alone this long since we separated for a month. All I can think of it that time and how painful it was.

We've had very little PA in the last couple weeks due to illness and her monthly visit. That hasn't helped either.

I really need to get my sh!t together and stop this negative train of thought. I can't let my perceptions of her actions affect me like this.