Soul.Searching my way back.

[Soul.Searching]

Well, it happened. the family member I was talking about passed away. His not in any pain now. It still hurts though.
I called H to tell him, he didn't answer the first couple of calls. I don't think he talks to me much when his GF is around. I think he calls me when she is not.
So I told him and he said he will come down for the funeral and be there for me. I just said "Thanks"

His way of being there for me at my Aunts funeral a couple of months ago was by constantly cuddling me and holding my hand.
I can't let him do that while he is seeing OW!?
It would feel wrong. I'm not expecting him to even turn up anyway.
I think OW has even stopped him from getting the kids to call me, when she is around.

He asked if I was okay, I said yes. ( I tried not to but I was crying, started as soon as I was about to tell him.) then he asked me what was wrong!! ( I just went silent, but was thinking "Did you not just hear what I said?!)
He said " Talk to me" I just said " He's at piece now."

I don't understand that. I just told him about a family member passing away and he asks me what's wrong! He's just weird.
Was telling me to call him if I needed someone to talk to and blah, blah.

I'm hoping that this is the end of all this death and seperation.
I'm scared to think that it's over. Scared to think its not.
It's just been such a hard six months. Seperation from my H, three family members have passed away, three much loved and old family pets.
It's just so much in such a little time. I just don't understand it.