Walking the path to my own happiness

[mamabird]

Had lunch with a girlfriend today. She is an ex-restauranteur and very involved in the food world and definitely appreciates a good meal. My kind of GAL (pun intended). I'm hoping she and I will have more chances to go to nice restaurants since I'm not doing that with H anymore.

In the vein of "doing what's best for me and the boys", I've decided that I want to do my own budget for the year. It would include all of the expenses to run this house and to pay down my own debt. That way I can figure out what I really need to live on. I'm hoping to get a monthly stipend from H and clearly delineate who pays for what. That way, I don't have to fret over how H is spending his money. Let him dig his own grave. He is still going on that Italy trip which irks me but I have no control over what he does anymore.

The main concern is that we do have some debt in both of our names, plus the two homes and we'll have to get a lawyer to sort that out. There is a chance that if he really screws up he could take me down with him.

So, I probably will need to meet with an L just to do some financial strategizing. If H's company goes public (as planned - and it's not speculation, it's actively in the works), he could stand to make a lot of money. We may need a legal separation agreement.

I'm feeling a lot more "over it." There is no emotion left in this for me. As I continue to walk away I'm getting a different, clearer perspective as to what has really been going on for the past 5 or so years. It hasn't been all bad or even 75% bad. Probably only 10% bad, but that 10% was enough to kill it. He probably feels same about me.