At least I was emotionally prepared for last night's MC meeting to be a complete disaster. W was very freaked out - not just upset but physically very agitated. Almost seemed panicked. It was really the worst that I've seen her and it seemed very textbook MLC - more so than previously.
After spending two and a half months talking weekly in therapy about her non-communication of marital problems (if, in fact, she wasn't making that up) and that this whole thing was completely out of the blue for me, she said last night that she HAD communicated problems in our marriage. What??? I actually emailed the therapist today asking if I was crazy or did we not just spend two months talking about the fact that she NEVER said anything was wrong and without being a mind reader, I couldn't address those concerns. The therapist verified that she'd heard the same thing. WTF. So, two months of weekly agony for nothing.
The therapist kind of called her on it and she admitted that she has been in the affair the whole time, is "in love" (vomit), and never had any inclination to work on our marriage. Basically, she's been using it as a way to beat up on our marriage to try and avoid taking responsibility for her actions. I could take those 24 hours of therapist sessions and boil them down to her trying to make herself feel better about this whole thing.
She talked about how "perfect" for her the OM is, and I pointed out what an amaaazing coincidence that she just happens to work hand in glove with the perfect person. Out of 7 billion people on the planet, what are the chances? Give me a break. She got really freaked out at one point talking about how everyone was belittling her and against her - books, the counselor, etc. She just can't seem to deal with the fact that what she is done is morally wrong and that is why it is pretty much universally condemned as such.
I'm now officially on board with what folks were saying originally - MC is risky business and not likely to help. Let me experience be a lesson to any newbies considering it. I'm starting to think the common 2-3 year time period is, for many, how long it takes for the "shine" to wear off of their fantasy with the other person (if it ever does). I told her that I need no contact for a month and we'll revisit things after that. I think, in the end, I need to really really let her go and wait it out.
It seems like I've been trying to find some little thing to make my sitch different from everything I've read - hunting for some little clue to make it not the disaster of MLC. In the end, that was self delusion. ____________________________ "In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." -- Albert Camus
Me:39 WAW:38 M:9 T:19, No Kids EA/PA with co-worker:9/24, ILYBINILWY, S:9/25 EA/PA on hold? (probably not), MC 9/30-now
