With her sister saying she was struggling with depression too, makes me wonder if this isn't a by product of the Dad passing away last year. My W plays her emotions very close to the vest, but she was closer to her Dad than she is her Mom. Could all of this opened a Pandora's box of hell?
No, I decided to tell her other sister so she would have a closer contact for support. We live in KY, the first sister lives in Chicago, the second lives an hr away in OH. I know it sounds selfish and vindictive, but that honestly and truly is not my reason.
ladybug, I am working on the man I want to be. When I realized I was feeling empty in my marriage and realized it was because I wasn't doing enough. All my efforts were looked at as trying to make up for lost time. But I got enjoyment out of helping clean the house ect. it made me feel good because I was contributing. My W looked at it in a more negative light.
Please don't act on any more major decisions without discussing it here first. Then wait 72 hours before doing anything. Once you've exposed....then you can't undo it.
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No, I decided to tell her other sister so she would have a closer contact for support.
You may not see this, but what you're doing is trying to "control" things. Whether positive or negative reasons behind your actions, it is best that you immediately put a halt to any further steps in trying to "help" her.
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she says, glad you are finally taking an interest in all this after 8 F'ing years! All you had to worry about was mowing the grass and taking out the garbage! You're a grown a** man step the F' up.
Do you get the real message here? This is a woman who is fed up with a man who takes no responsibility for his M and home. She has lot her respect for you. She feels all the load was on her shoulders and all you did were two things. She is saying volumes when she says your a grown man and should step up. It's a lot more here than just mowing the grass and taking out the garbage.
You need to get a plan of action. Set goals for yourself. Don't make them about her. You can only control "you". What is the first change you are going to make?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi2, yes I see the message here. The first change I'm going to make it not let myself be a doormat any longer. I would let her dictate things, and she would ask how I felt or wanted only after things were done. I'm not saying be a d**k or anything, but if I disagree then I'm going to voice it. I am going to just go back to doing what I was doing before I was asked to leave. I'm going to start caring for the house (cleaning), and also take an active part in our finances. This has to happen because I will be giving her a check 2xs a month, but I'm still going to take an active part. What are some suggestions you see for me? We used to have separate accounts when we got married but she felt like i wasn't committed to our relationship. So I agreed to get a joint account. My W works in finance and always took care of that.
I also appreciate your straight forward response. This is what I'm looking for.
