What I'm learning from H stages, disappointment.

[albamarie]

Journaling:
So I have been very brave and taken the roommate approach this week. It def helps me to detach and protect myself from the anxiety of "finding out" what he may be doing. If I just don't care, it seems I find alternatives to doing things that put me in the know.

Like our bank account, I guard it from his spending with text alerts, amount allocations between two accounts, and turning overdraft off so he can't over spend. The anxiety of not having to log on the account and see his spending, has done me wonders for my crazy thoughts. They actually let you add more funds through the text alert!

Another business move I've had to make was un-forwarding his calls to my phone if he doesn't answer. His work can be ''need to know now" and I have always been the one to rely on, it can be a matter of missing a gig, and it has worked great for a long time. No more...it's been ea and her hang ups or nasty voicemails for more than anything.

In the summer H may risk loosing gigs if it's a newer client who doesn't have my direct line, but I guess he's going to have to grow up and make some decisions then.

Just those two moves have put me in a position of not knowing when ea calls, if he went to a bar, if he spent more than "table for one" at lunch. I don't want to know, I don't want to care.

The anxiety of all the knowing and assuming has been the worst thing I have ever had to deal with. It has taken a toll on my health, my psyche, and my over all involvement in my own life. ANd, in the end looking back one yr, I can see that it has all been for nothing.

No more...!