New Year, New Life (19 months)

[labug]

Is the word engineering negative to you? I see it as planning and carrying out the necessary steps in order to complete something.

I know you want to do the right thing but is it the right thing for all those involved? Is it even the right thing for you?

If you want to continue a R with your MIL, perhaps contact her and ask her to lunch, just the 2 of you. And then if that goes well bring the sons at some point.

I'm really po'd that she took my email and turned it into a group date with H.
You have no control over what others do. Be po'd, let it go and then you might realize that 'she's always been this way so why am I surprised?' Tuck the information of what she did away for future reference.

if there is going to be progress through it, someone has to have the courage to make the first move.
You did make the first move and then she made her move which wasn't what you wanted but it's what she wants, this is the direction she wants it to go. (see above) YOu can either acpet this and go along or not.

I'm not trying to beat you up, just give this some time. It's all very new for everyone, it won't all be resolved in the first couple of weeks.

I think you've read along as I've walked through this journey. I did all kinds of "nice" things for my ILs when H and I were married and never felt appreciated quite enough. But what I've learned is, I wasn't speaking their love language. I was doing things that didn't mean a hill of beans to them and some of it might have been uncomfortable (surprise parties for anniv.) I kept ignoring the signals because of what I wanted.

I know that feeling when those who have been a part of your life seem to be so willing to let you go. But we don't know what's in their heads, as Accuray wrote above. We only know our emotions, our feelings and they are uncomfortable and we want that discomfort to go away. So instead of working on accepting our feelings, we keep trying to "do" something so we'll feel better.

But that's about our feelings.

Just give it a month, then 2 months, see how things feel then.