H has mild sleep apnea. It wasn't bad enough for insurance to cover it so he bought the CPAP outright. He, too, stirs frequently, though I would call it more of a "jump," like when someone startles you. I can't imagine he gets a good night's sleep. He's always tired. He can't sit down to watch a movie without falling asleep, whether it's at home, at a friend's, or at the movie theater. He'll often be sitting on the couch with his laptap on his lap, snoring. Personally, if it was me, I would do something about it, but obviously I can't make him. He could lose some weight, should lose some weight because of his history of a heart attack. Again, I can't make him.
So FloydMan, I think I missed your suggestions/solutions. What do *I* do about his snoring keeping me awake? I'm not willing to sacrifice my own good night's sleep because of H's snoring, especially if he does little about it. My solution is to sleep in the other room. What do you suggest that *I* should do to address his desire for me to sleep in the BR with him, while he does little to address the fact that his snoring keeps me awake?
Also, what do *I* do about H's lying. We've done MC, throughout most of our M. Of course they all told him he shouldn't lie to me, explained what it does to our M. Of course he agreed with them and promised to never do it again. He seems to have zero impulse control, so he does something without thinking about the consequences at all, then realizes ATF what he's done and hides it by lying. So, from my side of things, what is the solution?
I've read and learned about the conflict-avoidance personality type. I understand that he's instantly overwhelmed. I understand that biological changes occur. I understand that it likely comes from him absolutely never witnessing his parents argue, or at least that's what he tells me is the reason. I've addressed it by not initiating any conversation. He asked this morning what I'm doing online so much. I told him just reading and posting, just having some online conversations, since he doesn't want to. He said he missed our conversations, and when I clarified, he corrected himself and said, "Well, not those." Everything else we talk about I let him initiate and drive. It's all very superficial, very factual, nothing personal or deep. So I don't know what he's missing since he's in control of what that is.
I feel like the dog, rather than the master, because he doesn't follow me around, while I do my things. He expects me to follow him around while he does his things. Regardless, neither of us are dogs, and the R shouldn't look like it from either perspective.
Yes, we can sit in the same room together. We did last night. I noticed this a week or so ago, and again last night. H was on his laptap with his headphones, I was on mine with headphones to the tv, and S12 was doing his homework with headphones for his music. I don't find any value in that. But I believe I understand that that's good for H, because "I'm there." From my perspective, I get the same benefit from sitting at Starbuck's with a bunch of strangers, except they serve much better drinks there. I don't value the time, I don't value the (lack of) interaction, I don't value his sitting on the couch in his own world. Yet this is what he initiates, because he is content with it. I'm not. So under these terms, where I can't initiate any sort of conversation with him, or anything that might be construed as conflict or confrontation, how do I connect? What is the solution from *my* side of things?
