Yes, that would be my question too. You want your husband now that you don't have him? Is that a competitive instinct, and would you continue to feel the same way if you had him back?
And I'd love to ask you, when you didn't want sex with your husband and you considered it a chore, would you have minded if your husband had a female friend with benefits? Someone who was not a threat to your marriage otherwise? I find it so curious how some women claim sex is totally unimportant to them, yet at the same time they claim it's very important that their husbands NOT have sex with someone else! Well, either sex is important or it's not. You can't have it both ways! How do you explain that attitude? Why would they care if their husbands had purely sexual relations outside the marriage? Heck, it would seem to take the pressure off them. Isn't that an improvement?
Husband and I are different people now. I really resisted the adage that people could change, because I truly felt that you had what you had and you worked with it. Maybe building up some parts, while dampening down others. The old "Inside Out" would not be waiting for H. She would be burning clothing in a huge bonfire and handing out marshmallow and tequila shots.
But I digress. As to your second point, it is well thought out. Would I have tolerated H getting it elsewhere? I am not sure. When he left, I could be termed a WAS too. I had uninvested in the marriage, couldn't care less, rarely saw him , no intimacy to bind us. He was just the guy with the paycheck and his unhappiness with situation did not allow for improvements anywhere as well. So I really can't say. Him leaving and becoming this new independent person has made me realize that "[censored], I love the guy" I am tolerating the GF now, but he doesn't come and sleep here, so the question doesn't apply.
I cannot say yes or no to that question because I am not the person I was back then, if that makes sense. I think she would have been furious, but only because H did not sit down and say "Unless the sex resumes in this M, I am out of here, or will have to find it elsewhere". When someone doesn't actually come out and say what they need to say, you wind up here.
Although I am fairly certain the girl I was would not have listened at all anyway
